Harm - TRIGGER WARNING

It's such a stupid thing to do. Meaningless. Purposeless. My fosters would kill me. Self inflicted pain is attention-seeking, they say.
But now? They're out of town, and I have free rein of the house.
I have very carefully selected where to burn. I will burn on my hip bones, because the marks can be covered in the shower with my hands, or by my knickers in the school changing room. I have no relationships, so that's no issue either. No one will know.
No one has to find out.
Yet, somehow, the first time, after I had made it through school cursing my stupidity on cutting the wrists where it can be seen, I still wanted one of my friends to notice. To affirm that there was someone who cared.
Not that there probably was, in all honesty. My friends didn't exist. I dreamed them up. My family were dead. My foster parents only communicated with me in the fewest possible words. All connections to me were cut after That Night.
Ha. Cut. An unfortunate choice of words. Not that I was doing that tonight.
It hurt and it was beautiful. It was over too fast. Fire vanishes too quickly. It doesn't hurt long enough.
But then the burns come, and they sting and sting and sting and sting. Especially when you drip water on them. I hiss. The lighter crumples to the ground, its strings severed, like mine.
I clutch my hip to me and rock backwards and forth, holding back a whimper. Making noise would be conceding defeat. Telling myself I can stop because I'm hurting 'enough'. No. I deserve more than this.
So I grit my teeth and drip more water onto the fresh burns, using my foster mother's water dripper tube thing.
I laugh at the pain and once I've started, there is no stopping me. Luckily, laughter is happy, and no one will come knocking at my door, unlike with screaming or crying. Still hysterical, I fall backwards and crack my head on the bedhead. I collapse. Lights flicker. Spinning.
I lie there until I regain my senses. This time, I am numb. I feel nothing. I am prepared again. My feelings are gone - pesky things!
I am a sea of solitude.
No one will come.
No one will find out.